5 Habits of Highly Effective Boyfriends.

Hey People!

I have been thinking about this for a while now and suddenly decided to share it with the world!

It's nothing serious...lol...or even failsafe...after all there is no perfect formula!!...but i think you will find that it really does help...

Based on my past experiences with guys, I have come up with 5 things that i think every boyfriend should know...how do i know this? because i spend two years sending telepathic messages to my ex..willing him to do just ONE of these things...but alas...he was a sour one...:-D

So here goes....

pinch of salt people!

1. Little Reminders
If you have been going out with your babe for a while now and the sugar-coated glaze of the 'honeymoon' phase is over and you are getting into the nitty gritty of the relationship, it's important to remind her...as often as you can...that she is still special...like if you are really busy...say during exam time..you would be surprised that a small gesture such as a text, or even a 5 minute conversation on msn would brighten her day because it means you are THINKING about her.

you would actually be surprised the amount of time your babe could spend thinking 'is he thinking about me?...' and the second you assure her u are...it changes the focus of her thoughts...giving her time to think about other important things in her life (not that you aren't important...:)...but we as girls should NEVER spend valuable time pining).


2. Take Interest in her Interests
Now this is self-explanatory..but i think its a really important point to take into consideration because i think it brings you as a couple closer. She just feels a connection with you and it also proves that you LISTEN..

the super-boyfriend would actually go out of his way to LEARN about his babe's interests...now, not all guys have time to learn about something random like wildlife photography..but if its your girlfriends passion..you should at least be able to name one famous photographer she tries to model herself after...

my ex...well, he was a special one...

aside from writing, i am actually really passionate about my degree and how i can help people using it...

i can't exactly say what my degree because then it would only make it that much easier to identify me!!....... :-D

so let's say I'm passionate about...wildlife photography...lol

LemonadeGirl: so, babe I've been thinking..i need new lenses for the camera so i can get better shots....would you come with me? the equipment is kind of heavy..
Ex:...um..why do you need to take pictures of animals, they aren't even interesting..
LG: well that's my passion...
Ex: why do you need lenses...cant you just use your digital camera
LG: because i need to use special lenses..to capture moving things....
Ex: oh yeah?..can u move out of the way, your blocking the TV...


NEVER a good look :(


3. Give her Space
I know girls hate it when u make any kind of reference to them being 'hormonal'..but u know what? its the way we are built..we are meant to be emotional!...an emotionally unavailable girl...is a guy.

So, i know it irritates the shit out of you when your girlfriend all of a sudden has a mood swing and is stomping around glaring at you for no reason...but u have to just ignore it and GIVE HER SPACE

CARDINAL RULE: never ever ever ever use the word 'Drama' in any kind of context in reference to her behaviour...never! and i know you would never be the ass who asks her..

'are u on your period?...'

U could possibly receive a slap if she really IS on her period..lol


4. Respect
this is a short one...more of a reminder
I know a lot of you guys are thinking...'c'mon, i already respect her...' but this is just to remind you that there are a lot of ways you could be disrespecting her without knowing it...for instance...public situations

It might be a subconscious thing..but the point is to make it conscious! don't ever say something derogatory to her (even as a joke) in front of ANYONE.

5. Let her THINK she has won!
lol...i think this is every girl's favorite...which might sound strange because of the word 'think' in the title...but if u are a skilled bullshitter this will make all ur relationship dreams come true!

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation where u cant seem to agree with your babe...and ur both battling it out and u KNOW that you are right..and she's getting angrier and angrier..and all you can see is that 'special something' she promised you tonight slip away..

STOP..and think..'is it really worth it?...' and just give in. Yes! i know ur pride hurts blah blah...but its all about the bigger picture..u get me?

you would be surprised at the speed with which she shuts-up! and in her mind she thinks she has won..and everything is OK...so u BOTH win

I know girls that read this will be like...huh..what are u saying?..but think about it ladies...if you don't know hes doing it..it feels soooo good when he just gives into what ur saying..because lets face it we always think we are right...lol...and it cuts short unnecessary arguments!

sooooo...guys...just do 2 or three of these things (but no. 5 is imperative!) and if there is an improvement...show me some love...:D

LG
xxx

P.s. my birthday is round the corner bloggers...any ideas for what i should do?

Tail Chasing Pt. 2

Hola!

This is just a quick one!

My friend DancerGirl was reading my 'tail chasing' post last night and she brought up an interesting point...

The absolute worst scenario (even worse than him acting like nothing ever happened) is if you had to CONVINCE yourself that you liked him in the first place!!

and i thought 'yeeeeeaaaaaah' (because i have been victim to this atrocity)

You meet a guy..he's ok...u know..manageable...then u think...'im kinda bored...why not?...' then u slowly warm to him until...

BAM!

the tables have turned...and from my knowledge on such things...it happens overnight..u suddenly realize...'oh damn..i'm in trouble'

enter
...
...

SILENCE

ok...so its bad enough ur plans of relationship bliss are thwarted...but u didn't even REALLY like him in the beginning!!



it stings.



this brings me to another friend of mine, GorgeousGirl..who incidentally could be FashionGirl2...but would kill me if she knew she shared a name with FashionGirl (dont i have fabulous friends?!)..but she is ridiculously pretty so her ego will have to settle for GG.

anyway...

she came up with two terms for some of the people we meet in out lives...and it is really true!


Desperate eyes: this is when you see a guy that you THINK is soooo hot and all your friends are like 'dude...wtf?'...thankfully...because when u look again...u realize he's actually not what you would normally go for...this is due to the lack of enough beautiful men in ur life and so ur brain tells you everyone is fit...usually happens when inebriated...

akin to beer goggles...but we are too stylish and fabulous to drink beer (ick)...lol.

Growers: guys that u wouldn't usually consider, but they win u over with their charm...or they have the perfect smile...or something! then suddenly u find urself thinking...'hmm, what is this funny feeling? could it be lust?...' and then it's too late...u love him! (ok not love...)

So, as i said earlier...when growers do the disappearing act...its a bitch...it really does something terrible to your sense of self-worth...

but...we are big girls! what can we do but brush it off...and hope the next 'lemon' life throws at us isn't some sour, mouldy, worm-ridden grower who has nothing better to do than waste valuable days, weeks or months (if ur really unlucky) of our lives...

Personally, i'm waiting for life to send a tall, dark, handsome, sculpted, smart, ambitious, funny lemon my way...and we can make sweet sweet lemonade together...sigh

ok, i rant.

till next time!

xxx

Tail Chasing...

Hello again!

I know when the novelty wears off it will be a hassle to post a new blog every single day...so enjoy me while i'm here!

What i'm talking about today applies mostly to girls...but guys, i think u should read it too...so u can understand the sheer frustration we feel!!

You know when you see some scrap of a dog running in circles but on the spot, trying to catch its own tail?...well i don't know about you, but i feel a little bit sorry for the dog knowing that its plan will never come to fruition...

but the chase must be oh so sweet, otherwise why would any living thing subject themselves to that kind of headache?

Well it applies to people too!

You meet a guy....

he's really cool, u begin to talk on the phone, Msn, Facebook...and you find out you have alot in common...

then u graduate on to the conversations that last multiple hours...you know the type...the ones that could be anywhere from two to twelve hours...what do you talk about? absolutely everything!! u exchange charming stories that date back to when you were in diapers...you talk about your dreams, your ambitions, your ideals (and in the beginning stage...we all have very strong ideals!..lol)..finally you either fall asleep whilst the other person is still talking or u tear yourself away from the phone because u have an early lecture the next morning...

During one of the many conversations he begins to tell you about his ex..and u begin to feel all warm and fuzzy inside...because why else would he be telling you about his past relationship...if not to drop some subtle hints?

...he might even start a sentence...

'If you were my girlfriend...'

At this point all you are hearing is this sentence over and over and over and.......puddle of mush

So everything is going great...u even feel brave enough to face the 101 questions your friends will have when u break the news to them...but you go about this carefully, because you know how precarious the beginning of something new can be...

he ticks all the right boxes
ambitious...tick
funny...tick
good looking...tick
sexy...tick...(and one more tick...sigh)
kind...tick

You even find yourself talking about the person every ten minutes (much to the chagrin of your friends)

'Oh, I wonder if so-and-so likes cranberry juice...I think i'll try cranberry juice...'


and then
....
....
....
....
....
....



SILENCE



Now, don't get me wrong..this doesn't happen all the time...but at the same time it happens quite frequently...and it is possibly the worst feeling in the world

Deep down in your heart you knew it could go either way..but you were pleading with the relationship gods to shine their light of good favour upon you...because your last boyfriend was a prick...

But...u are subject to the disappearing act...and you begin to wonder (especially if its after you met for the first time...thats the worst)

Was i not pretty enough?
Did i say the wrong thing?
Did i fail some some invisible test? (when you passed mine with flying colours and gold stars!)

And i'm sure this could apply to some guys too...(just reverse the situation obviously)

Its the chasing tail theory...you come so so (sosososososososo) close to a good thing...but you never quite reach it...

And if you are reaaaaally unlucky...he might even one day out of the blue make contact...but...act like nothing ever happened before!!..not even a hint of an explanation (oh woe is you if this happens)...you feel even smaller than you did before when you told yourself he was busy, or sick with a really bad case of something!

Well, as my mother says...u have to get through many dissapointing side shows to get to the main attraction

So, i guess we have to keep chasing our tails till we finally catch them (him/her... whatever!)

but its so annoying when you feel your teeth finally brushing the tip of the fur on your tail (so to speak)...and then its gone!

I sincerely hope you all are that much closer to catching it (If u already haven't that is!)

..cuz all this running in circles is giving me a damn headache!

:D

x x x

Making Lemonade!

Salut, fellow bloggers!

I know everyone has some sort of introductory spiel so i'll try very hard not to bore you with mine!

here goes...

Im a 21 year old Nigerian girl trying to make sense of this jand way of life (bus passes :(, rain :(, constant state of financial depression :( ), I'm in my final year at a respectable University counting down till i can leave the hell hole!

I think that's enough for now :)

Ok, i'll get right into it

For those of you who don't know...there is a common saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'

well...unfortunately it isn't always that easy to grab all the lemons and squeeze them into a sugary pulp..sometimes life throws you sour rotten ugly lemons...what then?

being a black..or even an african woman is hard in this country..especially when you are used to the african way of living...for example...hair.

For all of you nigerian girls reading this, i know you will understand what im about to write about...when you are trying to get your hair done, there are so many things to consider first. Instead of waking up, shaking out your silky locks and thinking..'hmm i think i'll just pop down to the salon to get a wash and trim'.

Nooo...we have to assess the undergrowth first, think...'hmmm do i have enough money to make the monthly trek down to some obscure scary looking part of town to buy afro-hair?...is my usual hair person available?...do i have 6 hours to dedicate solely to sitting on my ass and getting my hair pulled ten different directions?...'

And in my town, its extra hard to tick all those boxes.... So..one day i decided to get my hurr did...but i felt there would surely be somewhere closer to home to endure the anticipated torture...so i walked into a neutral looking salon (because u can't just walk into a salon full of blondes under a dryer)...and asked the man behind the desk if they do afro-hair (approach the situation delicately)...and he said...

'Oh, sorry madam, unfortunately we don't do afro hair...why dont you try somwhere away from town..you know, further away'

Excuse me?
'you know...further away'
I felt like he was saying my hair wasn't good enough to even...touch

So that makes it even harder to get your hair done in this country... having to brush off the insults too

And does anyone see nothing wrong with the phrase 'black-on-black crime'? You hear it on the news, and in general conversation...but wait a minute...as opposed to white-on-white crime?...lol...do you ever hear chinese-on-chinese crime...?

I think it's odd thats all..

My friends were in an incident involving an irate cab driver and a black girl the other day.

The cab driver pulled up for my friends and they were about to get in when two black girls came up to the car and asked if it was theirs....the cab driver told them it wasn't but i guess that wasn't good enough!

as the car pulled away, one of the girls spat...twice!!.. on the body of the car...

So in the car the (asian) cab driver turned to my friends and asked..

'why is it that 'darker skinned women' are more violent than other women?'

well...u know my friends were majorly pissed at this point...and u know when someone says something even vaguely racist...ur quick to jump in and set them straight...but what can you do when a cab driver asks you that kind of question after two black girls spit on his car?

Speaking of random happenings...one night, three weeks ago my friend FashionGirl and i went to a random party of a friend of mine's. It wasnt a bad night and we had fun... but the most random thing happened when were about to leave...

FG had been dancing with a guy towards the end of the night and noticed that he was keener than she would have liked...so on our way out he goes up to her and proudly informs her..

'I have alot of money in the bank., I'm good looking and I have a big d**k...what do you have to to bring to the table?'

!!!!

homeboy didn't even crack a smile...he was serious!!

FG just turned around like she hadn't even seen or heard him.

These are just some of the things we have to deal with in this country..as well as school...God knows how we do it all! :)

So that's it for now...i hope your not trying to stifle a yawn...lol

I promise my next post will be cheerier

...i hope


LemonadeGirl...xx