Life is a Sexually Transmitted disease...

I'm sure alot of you are like 'huh'...well i think this quote by R.D. Laing is funny and true :)

First off...Sorry for the long absence! I was enjoying the sporadic days of sun we've had the past few days...and thinking of what i wanted to blog about! I have so much I want to write about but I finally settled on....

*drum roll*

SEX!

Lol...I think this post is more about peoples' attitude towards it than a detailed account of a hot steamy session I once had...there are bloggers more adept at that form of storytelling than I am as I have come to realise after trawling through pages and pages of blogs...

Teediva... Steamy, Explicit, Raunchy, Naughty, Hot, Hot, Hot!..I don't know what else to say!

Ok...


First of all I need to say...I hope I don't offend any Bible believing christians here, I am NOT saying the Bible is wrong about pre-marital sex, I'm saying I hate it when people judge others on the basis of scriptures when they disobey other rules (in scripture) themselves!

ok, so there are many many people out there who think sex before marriage is a bad thing...I hear it from my family, my peers, strangers...i read comments on other peoples' pages where people have expressed such opinions and even gone as far as to say 'sex is overrated'

well, my take on the sex before marriage issue...is that there are so many scriptures in the bible that condemn pre-marital sex...an example


"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." [I Corinthians 7:9]


And there are others....

But

There are also scriptures in the bible condemning tattoos, drinking, eating things with blood in them and a host of other things including the obvious: Lying, cheating, stealing etc...

"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord." [Leviticus 19: 28]


"Do not eat meat with blood still in it..." [Leviticus 19: 26]

So, I feel it is convenient to preach chastity to the masses because 'IT SAYS SO IN THE BIBLE' the same way people against tattoos find the relevant scriptures and shove them in your faces...

don't get me wrong (alot of you will get me wrong :-S...lol) I am a christian and I read the bible and I try to learn from it, but I don't believe in being a hypocrite...I am in no way justifying the fact that I am not a virgin, or saying sex should be allowed before marriage...my point is the bible, especially the old testament, had a list of rules one must follow to gain entry into Heaven...but there CANNOT be a single person who follows them all...so why is pre-marital sex a one way ticket to hell and not lying (something every person reading this post has done...countless times), or cheating....or even having your steak medium-rare??!!

Maybe I just get irate at pious, holier than thou, 'look at me up on my pedestal' people...A few years ago a girl in my school said to me and i quote

'how can you have sex knowing you are going to hell?'

ummm....

And as for those of you who think sex is overrated....WHY ARE U HAVING IT? and secondly, what planet are u living on? the planet of shit partners, that's what!

Ok, I'm kidding...maybe you just haven't met the right person

A friend of told me how whenever her boyfriend wanted to have sex, she would just lie there yawning till he was done...occasionally emitting an encouraging sound...I told her it's not imperative she have sex...I feel like sex is something that has to be enjoyed! If not, do not befoul the great act that is sex by having it half-heartedly!

:-D

Now onto less negative stuff...

I must warn easily offended people to go do something else...these are quite candid accounts of experiences of mine...and others

FashionGirl and I were having a very serious conversation the other day about sex. It seems we both agree that it's a wholly surreal experience...almost out of body (does anyone know what I mean?)...and u can't think too hard about it...

for instance...the dreaded condom moment

you're on the bed (table..whatever), you're kissing, He's unhooking your bra, you're whispering 'now' into is ear....then...all movement stops...he reaches into his wallet, pocket, side table etc...and gets the condom, unwraps it, then slips it on.

Depending on the skills of said lover this could take anywhere from 5 to 30 seconds...30 seconds of you trying to keep the sexy face in place, legs wide open in the air, wondering if your hair is growing back from your last waxing (if it is daytime...poor you), feeling the cool breeze on your nether regions until the condom is firmly in place...and i say firmly because they are prone to rolling off!

And then there is the wonderful condom moment part two....taking it off...well from what I have learnt, you're meant to simply roll it off, slip it in some tissue and chuck it in the bin...a simple enough procedure...which could go horribly horribly awry. Take for instance, my poor friend who found herself with hair full of the condom's contents when it flew off its previous location into her new weave...sad times...lol

And of course there is the issue of the sex face...lol

So these are some of the things its best not to think about too much or u might find yourself cringing every 5 minutes...thinking you will never ever have sex again as long as you live!
But i reckon sex is a little like childbirth...you only remember the good parts because if u remembered the other stuff...you would probably be scarred for life and join a nunnery or something.

Another annoying thing about sex is hair. If I were Caucasian I wouldn't even think about it, but alas, I am not. And I love my weaves (so shoot me)...so girls, how exactly do you deal with this issue knowing you can't wake up looking all tousled and wonderful, hair still smelling like the coconut shampoo you used yesterday? Personally...I try very hard to be on top when I've just gotten my hair done...because woe betide you if you even so much as let the thought of pulling my hair cross your mind when I've just spent £150 on it! And then i proceed to sleep uncomfortably for the rest of the night...occasionally waking up early to brush it (upside down so it doesn't look like i brushed it!)...yes...I do that...so what...would you rather i woke up looking like friggin Medusa?...lol

I know some other girls out there do this too!!

and as ModelGirl very wisely said...

'True love is never having to show your true self'

And don't read to deeply into it...It simply means I can't have my man waking up beside a crazy-haired, dragon-breathed, dry-skinned girlfriend...so i try very hard to brush my teeth before I go to bed and wake up a little earlier than him and wash my face and moisturize...its gruelling stuff but it pays off *wink*

hmmm...I can't give away all my trade secrets...but as you can see a lot goes on in my head before and after i have sex...but during...I couldn't honestly say there is anything on my mind!

I could bore you all with my embarrassing stories-and there have been a great many-but this post is going on longer than I planned...so maybe in another post!

Later,
LG